7/1/98: 100 days on the road! Still feels somewhat unreal, but for different reasons…
NOTE: The photo is the sunset above the clouds from near the 10,000 foot summit of Haleakala, on the island of Maui, June 10, 2023.
7/1/23: I went back to see Mwaura again to go over some of his software manuals with him. I also visited the print shop run by AIM on the Hospital that serviced the hospital and the school. A fellow named John J. runs the shop, and he showed me around. Seeing their printing presses, the rumbling, rolling sounds and the smell of the ink and grease brought back very fond memories of the days I had worked on printing presses. They had surprisingly up-to-date computer equipment, including several PowerMacs with the latest in desktop publishing software, but the staff were not fully up-to-date on how to use all of the goodies. We set up a time for me to do some teaching/tutorials on the Adobe suite of software, particularly Illustrator, since they had no idea why or how to use it.
Back in the hotel room as I reflected on our first 100 days on the road, I realized it felt “unreal” in a different way than it had in the first few weeks of travel. At the beginning of the trip it felt unusual to be somewhere other than our own apartment back in Chicago; by day 100, it had begun to feel “normal” to be living out of a suitcase and perpetually in transition. We had gotten used to being “on the way” instead of settled in a place, or in one job, or with a single set of close friends. We had enjoyed travelling to new places, met some great people, and made some authentic friends so far. We had so much for which to be thankful. But we were not anchored in the routines we were used to back in Chicago. Instead, we had settled into the groove of constant movement through places, projects and relationships. I suspect that was partly why I was wrestling through the sense of gloominess I’ve mentioned in previous posts.
Chewing on these thoughts, I was reminded of the words to a pop song that had come out a few years before we had begun our trip. The song “Yearning” by Basia Trzetrzelewska describes the restless ways one searches for fulfillment, and it settles on the idea that true fulfillment only comes through committed relationship. It was, of course, quite likely written as a love song in the human sense. But it is possible to hear it in a different sense. When I first heard the song in 1994, and still when I listen to it today, I heard/hear a vivid description of the fulfillment that can only come through a relationship with the God who made us. The song is embedded below, but here are a couple of the lyrics that resonate for me, particularly in relationship to the feelings I was having 100 days into a year-long trip around the world:
Wherever we go, God,
We’re trying so hard
To make every place
Feel like home left behind
But despite all our endeavors
Nothing changes, as ever
We’re homeless in our hearts
…
You circle the globe
Go native, go far
But it’s not a country
A town, not a house
What’s the use of distant travel
If only to discover
You’re homeless in your heart
Chorus:
But I’m yearning no more
Because I found my home in you
And now it’s where I belong
I gave up the world to be with you
[“Come to me, I’ll soothe your yearning”]
St. Augustine of Hippo put it this way in the first paragraph of his book Confessions (401AD):
“For Thou madest us for Thyself, and our heart is restless, until it repose in Thee.”
And Psalm 73 puts it this way:
21 When my soul was embittered,
when I was pricked in heart,
22 I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward you.
23 Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
As for me, I still find myself wistful and gloomy from time to time. But it is no longer about what feels real or unreal.
I am yearning no more. I found my home in Him.